this is Rags.

I’m enormous; I live with a terminal condition where my body forms itself into a perfect sphere. I eat a lot. I grew up on a farm, and I hook up with cows. I’ve also been intimate with some of the livestock. I love drinking and racism. I’m unhappy that women don’t like me, but I absolutely love the feeling of food metabolizing into even more fat. I could live for years on my stockpiled blubber. In the 30 minute window I give myself between meals, I like to fantasize about what my upcoming meal will smell like. Then, I forget I’m in public and I drool.

“Hello? Is nobody calling me on my uncooked steak?”

– Dorf